Parenting After Divorce - Right of First Refusal on Parenting Time

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It is not uncommon for parents to put into their parenting plan that each parent has the right to have the children with him/her whenever the other parent is unable to. This is often referred to as the right of first refusal on parenting time.

A parenting agreement might say that if either parent requires a babysitter or daycare for longer than a few hours during that parent's parenting time, the other parent will be given the first opportunity to provide the care, rather than an outsider or other family member.

When the parents have a reasonably good relationship, this kind of arrangement can work very well. The children get the benefit of maximum time with each parent and begin to feel like they have two homes, not just one home and another place they visit from time to time.

An excellent example of this is if two divorced parents happen to have opposing work schedules. Instead of placing the child(ren) in daycare, the other parent can take over.

When the parents' relationship is marked by conflict and anger, though, the right of first refusal on parenting time can lead to more hostilities, especially when it's invoked for situations like an occasional night out, business trip, or vacation. It can lead to intrusive questions about where the other parent is going, who s/he will be with, and what s/he will be doing. This kind of questioning is damaging to the children and benefits no one.

Further problems come up if either parent remarries. The law is unclear in these cases whether the right of first refusal gets triggered when the parent is gone but the step-parent is available.

This happened in a recent Colorado case. The parents in the case had a right of first refusal agreement in their parenting plan. Not wanting the children's bond with their step-family to be disrupted while he was deployed to Iraq, Dad requested that the original parenting plan be modified to allow the children to stay with his wife, their step-mother, during his regularly scheduled parenting time. The court agreed and disregarded the right of first refusal in the original parenting plan. The case is still in the appeal process so the issue is not completely settled.

If you're thinking about including a right of first refusal on parenting time, make sure it is really in the children's best interests and won't cause more problems than it is solving.

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Maybe It's Time for a Divorce

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I was one of the lucky ones. I was married for 29 years until my wife passed away from a sudden heart attack. I found another great lady a short while later and now look forward to another 30 years together. But I have had almost every family member involved in a divorce. It was closest to home when, years ago, a female family member noticed that her husband had washed the sheets while she was on vacation. He never washes or cleans anything. He explained to her did it as a favor. My wife and I thought otherwise. By the way, he hadn't washed any other item in the house that day. We said he was cheating, but she wouldn't even consider that possibility. Even if that were true, she would want to work it out for the sake of the children. Years later, after the divorce, he admitted having an affair in their bed that night and thought it wise to wash the sheets.

I had seen the other warning signs for years earlier. He was staying out more, picked fights over small things, and ignored the children. But she looked past these issues and hoped things would turn around. They didn't but he did. He made demands for her to change and become more of the woman he married years ago. He felt she spent too much time cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their 8 and 10 year old. What was she thinking? He never helped with any household chore and expected her undivided attention, i.e. sex, whenever it suited him. Now he lives with a woman 12 years younger and he still complains about his life with a woman he never bother to marry. Go figure.

I'm witnessing another divorce on the horizon for yet another family member. As he describes the circumstances, they feel all to similar. She ignores his needs, is a lousy mother and very self-centered. We think she may be having an affair, but he doesn't want to know. Sound familiar? I see a trend. He's been miserable for years, but he sticks around for the sake of the children. Once again, the family unit must be valued over individual needs. Well, I have something to say about that.

When I was 11, my father began staying out later and later. He was in real estate at the time and he used that as an excuse. One day he stayed out until the next morning. I watched my mother cry and then cry again when he announced he wanted a divorce. He said he had been unhappy for years and was seeing another woman. He eventually left and started a new family with this woman. I was hurt but survived. But it came full circle when my father's wife took a trip out west just with the kids. She hooked up with an old male friend and came back to a man she decided to divorce. She explained that she was unhappy because he was financially unstable and was going to marry this new guy.

The point of these examples is that someone that's unhappy in a relationship should make a decision. Maybe the problems began slowly and then built up over time. But you should be aware of the signs and decide when enough is enough. How long do you stay with someone for the sake of the children? In every case I just described, the children turned out just fine. It was the parents that ended up screwed up because they stayed together too long. My advice is to follow your heart and head. If things are bad and it's obvious that neither of your will change, then get out of the poor relationship. Life is too short to remain with a significant other that you no longer love or want to be with. Divorce is not a failure but could actually be a new beginning. The children will be better off without the stress or strife of bickering or abusive parents. Do what's best for yourself and then get on with your life. I'll be willing to bet that there is someone out there that can make you happy.

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Maybe It's Time for a Divorce

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I was one of the lucky ones. I was married for 29 years until my wife passed away from a sudden heart attack. I found another great lady a short while later and now look forward to another 30 years together. But I have had almost every family member involved in a divorce. It was closest to home when, years ago, a female family member noticed that her husband had washed the sheets while she was on vacation. He never washes or cleans anything. He explained to her did it as a favor. My wife and I thought otherwise. By the way, he hadn't washed any other item in the house that day. We said he was cheating, but she wouldn't even consider that possibility. Even if that were true, she would want to work it out for the sake of the children. Years later, after the divorce, he admitted having an affair in their bed that night and thought it wise to wash the sheets.

I had seen the other warning signs for years earlier. He was staying out more, picked fights over small things, and ignored the children. But she looked past these issues and hoped things would turn around. They didn't but he did. He made demands for her to change and become more of the woman he married years ago. He felt she spent too much time cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their 8 and 10 year old. What was she thinking? He never helped with any household chore and expected her undivided attention, i.e. sex, whenever it suited him. Now he lives with a woman 12 years younger and he still complains about his life with a woman he never bother to marry. Go figure.

I'm witnessing another divorce on the horizon for yet another family member. As he describes the circumstances, they feel all to similar. She ignores his needs, is a lousy mother and very self-centered. We think she may be having an affair, but he doesn't want to know. Sound familiar? I see a trend. He's been miserable for years, but he sticks around for the sake of the children. Once again, the family unit must be valued over individual needs. Well, I have something to say about that.

When I was 11, my father began staying out later and later. He was in real estate at the time and he used that as an excuse. One day he stayed out until the next morning. I watched my mother cry and then cry again when he announced he wanted a divorce. He said he had been unhappy for years and was seeing another woman. He eventually left and started a new family with this woman. I was hurt but survived. But it came full circle when my father's wife took a trip out west just with the kids. She hooked up with an old male friend and came back to a man she decided to divorce. She explained that she was unhappy because he was financially unstable and was going to marry this new guy.

The point of these examples is that someone that's unhappy in a relationship should make a decision. Maybe the problems began slowly and then built up over time. But you should be aware of the signs and decide when enough is enough. How long do you stay with someone for the sake of the children? In every case I just described, the children turned out just fine. It was the parents that ended up screwed up because they stayed together too long. My advice is to follow your heart and head. If things are bad and it's obvious that neither of your will change, then get out of the poor relationship. Life is too short to remain with a significant other that you no longer love or want to be with. Divorce is not a failure but could actually be a new beginning. The children will be better off without the stress or strife of bickering or abusive parents. Do what's best for yourself and then get on with your life. I'll be willing to bet that there is someone out there that can make you happy.

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Free Divorce Records

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Until the nineteenth century, divorces were not common and were in fact considered illegal in some places. However, many countries began keeping vital records at the national level in the nineteenth century. Divorce records form part of vital records maintained by the civil authorities. In United States, it is the responsibility of the individual states to keep a record of such events.

In United States, divorce records are filed in the county where the divorce takes place. Divorce records provide information on the spouse's name, place and date of marriage, age of husband and wife, names and date of birth of children, property, date of divorce and the reasons for divorce. They can also include credit card numbers, tax returns and alimony paid, if any. Divorce records become important in a person?s life for the same reasons.

There are many free links to help you locate a divorce record that will provide the information you need to make important decisions. SearchSystems.net was the first to offer such service on the Internet. There are many ways by which one can find a divorce record on the Internet. A search may be done by geographic location, category or using a public record locator. One can also search by names and addresses of current and ex-spouses. The more information you provide, the more comprehensive the results will be. These links give access to over 34,000 public record databases.

In United States, divorce records are not confidential and can be obtained by any person upon payment of a fee. The State Center for Health Statistics is responsible for issuing certified copies of divorce records. The National Center for Health Statistics has information on divorce records for all states. The fee and turn-around time to obtain these records vary from state to state. Certificates may be ordered through a service provider using a credit card.

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Divorce and Property Distribution - The Basics

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What Happens to Your Stuff When You Divorce?

Equitable Distribution

Equitable distribution is considered to be a fair (but not always equal) distribution of all the marital property and assets. Typically, the spouse with the higher income will receive a larger portion of the distribution based on the assumption that they contribution more financially to the union. Equitable distributions are used in all states except community property states.

Community Property

Property is categorized in one of two ways: community property or separate property. Separate property consists of property and assets that were acquired prior to the marriage as well as inheritances, personal injury awards and workers compensation, even if it was received during the marriage. Separate property is not subject to distribution and stays with its original owner. Community property is any property and assets that were acquired during the marriage (with the few exceptions noted above) and is divided equally between the two parties. Arizona , California , Idaho , Louisiana , Nevada , New Mexico , Texas , Washington , Wisconsin and Puerto Rico are all community property states.

Debts

Debts are treated in much the same manner as property. However, it is not uncommon for the court to order the higher-earning spouse to pay for certain debts that should theoretically be the responsibility of the lesser-earning spouse. For example, the court may order that the lesser-earning spouse can live in the marital home however; the higher-earning spouse must continue to pay the mortgage.

Fault or No-Fault?

In some states, a no-fault divorce is allowed and property distribution is not affected by individual actions of the parties. However, many states also allow an "at-fault divorce" where both sides are allowed to present evidence that would place "blame" on the other spouse. In the case of at-fault divorces, the property distribution can be affected by the behavior and actions of the spouses. For example, if it is proven that one of the spouses had an extramarital affair, that spouse may receive a lesser portion of the marital property.

Planning Ahead

One way to ensure that both parties receive a favorable distribution is to create a prenuptial agreement prior to the marriage. Assuming that the agreement doesn't overly benefit one spouse more than the other, the court will typically grant the property distribution as outlined in the prenup.

Alimony and child support are addressed separately from the distribution of property and assets. If all of these issues are easily agreed upon, you may be able to use a do-it-yourself divorce form. However, most need the assistance of an attorney.

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Free Divorce Records

Image : http://www.flickr.com

Until the nineteenth century, divorces were not common and were in fact considered illegal in some places. However, many countries began keeping vital records at the national level in the nineteenth century. Divorce records form part of vital records maintained by the civil authorities. In United States, it is the responsibility of the individual states to keep a record of such events.

In United States, divorce records are filed in the county where the divorce takes place. Divorce records provide information on the spouse's name, place and date of marriage, age of husband and wife, names and date of birth of children, property, date of divorce and the reasons for divorce. They can also include credit card numbers, tax returns and alimony paid, if any. Divorce records become important in a person?s life for the same reasons.

There are many free links to help you locate a divorce record that will provide the information you need to make important decisions. SearchSystems.net was the first to offer such service on the Internet. There are many ways by which one can find a divorce record on the Internet. A search may be done by geographic location, category or using a public record locator. One can also search by names and addresses of current and ex-spouses. The more information you provide, the more comprehensive the results will be. These links give access to over 34,000 Public Record databases.

In the United States, not the divorce records are confidential and may be obtained by any person upon payment of a fee. The State Center for Health Statistics is responsible for issuing copies of archive divorce. The National Center for Health Statistics has information on divorce records for all states. The share and response time to obtain these documents vary from state to state. Certificates can be ordered through a service providerusing a credit card.

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Free Divorce Records

Image : http://www.flickr.com

Until the nineteenth century, divorces were not common and were in fact considered illegal in some places. However, many countries began keeping vital records at the national level in the nineteenth century. Divorce records form part of vital records maintained by the civil authorities. In United States, it is the responsibility of the individual states to keep a record of such events.

In United States, divorce records are filed in the county where the divorce takes place. Divorce records provide information on the spouse's name, place and date of marriage, age of husband and wife, names and date of birth of children, property, date of divorce and the reasons for divorce. They can also include credit card numbers, tax returns and alimony paid, if any. Divorce records become important in a person?s life for the same reasons.

There are many free links to help you locate a divorce record that will provide the information you need to make important decisions. SearchSystems.net was the first to offer such service on the Internet. There are many ways by which one can find a divorce record on the Internet. A search may be done by geographic location, category or using a public record locator. One can also search by names and addresses of current and ex-spouses. The more information you provide, the more comprehensive the results will be. These links give access to over 34,000 public record databases.

In United States, divorce records are not confidential and can be obtained by any person upon payment of a fee. The State Center for Health Statistics is responsible for issuing certified copies of divorce records. The National Center for Health Statistics has information on divorce records for all states. The fee and turn-around time to obtain these records vary from state to state. Certificates may be ordered through a service provider using a credit card.

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Divorce and Property Distribution - The Basics

Image : http://www.flickr.com

What Happens to Your Stuff When You Divorce?

Equitable Distribution

Equitable distribution is considered to be a fair (but not always equal) distribution of all the marital property and assets. Typically, the spouse with the higher income will receive a larger portion of the distribution based on the assumption that they contribution more financially to the union. Equitable distributions are used in all states except community property states.

Community Property

Property is categorized in one of two ways: community property or separate property. Separate property consists of property and assets that were acquired prior to the marriage as well as inheritances, personal injury awards and workers compensation, even if it was received during the marriage. Separate property is not subject to distribution and stays with its original owner. Community property is any property and assets that were acquired during the marriage (with the few exceptions noted above) and is divided equally between the two parties. Arizona , California , Idaho , Louisiana , Nevada , New Mexico , Texas , Washington , Wisconsin and Puerto Rico are all community property states.

Debts

Debts are treated in much the same manner as property. However, it is not uncommon for the court to order the higher-earning spouse to pay for certain debts that should theoretically be the responsibility of the lesser-earning spouse. For example, the court may order that the lesser-earning spouse can live in the marital home however; the higher-earning spouse must continue to pay the mortgage.

Fault or No-Fault?

In some states, a no-fault divorce is allowed and property distribution is not affected by individual actions of the parties. However, many states also allow an "at-fault divorce" where both sides are allowed to present evidence that would place "blame" on the other spouse. In the case of at-fault divorces, the property distribution can be affected by the behavior and actions of the spouses. For example, if it is proven that one of the spouses had an extramarital affair, that spouse may receive a lesser portion of the marital property.

Planning Ahead

One way to ensure that both parties receive a favorable distribution is to create a prenuptial agreement prior to the marriage. Assuming that the agreement doesn't overly benefit one spouse more than the other, the court will typically grant the property distribution as outlined in the prenup.

Alimony and child support are addressed separately from the distribution of property and assets. If all of these issues are easily agreed upon, you may be able to use a do-it-yourself divorce form. However, most need the assistance of an attorney.

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Arizona Mediation for Divorce

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In all states, divorce has to be decreed by a court for it to be legal. However, without doing the courtroom divorce, couples can easily have a calmer, more agreeable divorce where they make the decisions rather than letting the judge do so. Through mediation, this is being achieved more and more. There are a ton of benefits to mediation and couples are seeing this with wide open eyes. Having a trained mediator is helping them to resolve conflicts and calmly agree on the terms of the divorce.

Although Arizona counties have different requirements for mediators, there are no rules or guides for a mediator to follow as far as state certification, etc. Most of the courts do insist that 40 hours at the very least of training and experience be completed by the mediator before he or she practices. This includes family issues for those who are going to be mediating divorces.

Typically, mediation promotes a calm environment where the couple works together to make decisions without the battle and theatrics of the courtroom. They also save attorney fees, as an attorney is not required for mediation; couples can decide to have an attorney present however. The mediator acts as a neutral third party which 'buffers' the decision making regarding the children, property division, alimony and other matters which need to be decided upon divorce. The different county courts in Arizona are Apache, Conchise, Coconino, Gila, Graham, Greenlee, La Paz, Maricopa, Mohave, Navajo, Pima, Pinal, Santa Cruz, Yavapai and Yuma.

No other court than the Supreme Court can grant a divorce in Arizona and it's called 'dissolution of marriage.' The papers and other things needed to begin the divorce are filed in the county where either spouse lives. Instead of granting a divorce to one spouse or the other, the status of the marriage simply changes. In order for divorce to be granted, couples have to show that the marriage is not reparable and that there is no chance of fixing it. Couples no longer have to use blame or proof that one or the other has ruined the marriage.

If a marriage is considered a covenant marriage, the law of Arizona states that couples do have to establish blame. This can be done by proving that one partner cheated on the other or has inflicted any form of abuse on the other or has abandoned the other spouse. Mediators are able to deduce whether your divorce will require this kind of proof. This marriage is only available in Arizona, Louisiana and Arkansas. This type of marriage is different than a typical marriage as it has larger requirements for union.

You can find a mediator which has impressive experience and can really help you with the divorce process by checking with the State Bar Association of Arizona. You will find attorneys, counselors and therapists that are mediators. There are even social workers and financial experts that you can have mediate your divorce. There are many resources to find information in Arizona including the internet and even certain helpful legal organizations dedicated to providing low cost or free services.

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Divorce Settlements

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Divorce settlements may be defined as an order made by the court, affirming the terms of an agreement between the couple in a divorce. From a legal point of view, divorce settlements include child custody and support, property and debt, spousal support, pensions and retirement accounts.

In United States, each state has its own laws to determine the division of property. Division of property is done based on two different systems, community property and equitable distribution. Community property is property owned equally by the couple and is divided equally at divorce. The states that follow a community property system are California, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Washington, Arizona, Idaho, Wisconsin and Texas. States that follow equitable distribution system consider assets as marital property and each spouse is awarded a percentage of the total value of the assets.

Alimony is court-ordered support paid by one spouse to another, after they are separated. In United States, alimony is often referred to as maintenance or spousal support. In Colorado it's called "maintenance." Each state has different laws and this determines the amount and time of alimony. Any alimony order for a wife will come to an end when she remarries. When it comes to child custody, each state has rules or "statutes" that govern child custody, and they are always in the best interests of the children. The law demands that parents should support their children. Child support laws throughout the United States ensure every child's economic support so that the standard of living is preserved.

In case of debt, the court will instruct both the individuals to pay a part of the debt. The wife often loses her entitlement to death-while-in-service benefits from her husband's job or widow's pension in the final phase of divorce. These factors should be considered before thinking of a settlement, because pensions are the most valuable assets and future benefits. Careful consideration must be given to tax implications at the time of divorce. Professional help can be obtained in terms of these benefits as part of the overall settlement plan.

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Do I Need a Lawyer to Get a Divorce?

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Understanding Your Legal Options In A Divorce

Although you may not always need a divorce lawyer to file for and handle your divorce, the divorce process can be complicated at times and there are situations in which consulting a divorce lawyer is a very good idea. You should base your decision on the complexity of your individual case and your level of comfort with your pending case.

"Uncontested" divorces, for example, in cases where the spouses are in agreement about important aspects of the split, that involve no children and very little community property are fairly simple to dissolve and you may decide that you are comfortable with filing this action yourself.

On the other hand, a couple that has been married for 20 years, have children, a marital home, pension plans, joint checking accounts or credit cards and the like may find that drafting their own divorce paperwork and handling the property distribution is far too complicated. Regardless of how long you've been married, there may also be complicated tax issues to consider as well.

Your decision may also depend on whether or not the divorce is contested. When both parties agree to divorce, they may be able to reach an amicable settlement on their own. However, when one of the parties chooses to fight for custody, spousal support or other assets, it is typically wise to hire an attorney to handle your case.

If you do decide to file your own divorce, many states have taken steps to simplify the process and offer virtual "self-serve" centers to help you handle your own legal affairs. Arizona, for example, provides downloadable forms as well as an online interactive program to help you complete the necessary forms for legal separation, divorce and other family law actions.

So, while you don't "need" a lawyer to get a divorce, there are many cases in which the complications incurred by long marriages, the presence of children, or of significant marital assets (i.e.: money or property) warrant the involvement of a family law attorney.

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Arizona Divorce Lawyers

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According to Arizona's divorce laws, you do not need to provide grounds for dissolution of a marriage as long as you are able to prove irretrievable breakdown of your marriage. Under Arizona law, both spouses must have resided in the state for more than 90 days prior to filing the divorce suit.

In a divorce suit, there are often many other petitions filed along with the separation. For instance, there are often petitions filed for alimony and child custody. It can be very complicated, and you need to seek the services of a professional divorce lawyer who specializes in family law. The job of a professional divorce lawyer is not merely getting the divorce. Lawyers often act as mediators trying to bring the couple to settlement. In some cases, a lawyer helps to resolve conflicts actually bringing couples back together. However in most cases, there is no reconciliation, and a divorce lawyer will try to get full compensation and justice for their party. A divorce lawyer provides sound legal advice and guides his client to avoid mistakes at the time of the dissolution of the marriage.

You can search for a divorce lawyer by asking family or friends, through the State Bar Association of Arizona, the Internet or yellow pages. Once you have narrowed down the list of possible Arizona divorce lawyers to a handful, talk with them all, one at a time. Decide who will work with you the best, then make a decision as to whether to hire him or her.

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