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I was one of the lucky ones. I was married for 29 years until my wife passed away from a sudden heart attack. I found another great lady a short while later and now look forward to another 30 years together. But I have had almost every family member involved in a divorce. It was closest to home when, years ago, a female family member noticed that her husband had washed the sheets while she was on vacation. He never washes or cleans anything. He explained to her did it as a favor. My wife and I thought otherwise. By the way, he hadn't washed any other item in the house that day. We said he was cheating, but she wouldn't even consider that possibility. Even if that were true, she would want to work it out for the sake of the children. Years later, after the divorce, he admitted having an affair in their bed that night and thought it wise to wash the sheets.
I had seen the other warning signs for years earlier. He was staying out more, picked fights over small things, and ignored the children. But she looked past these issues and hoped things would turn around. They didn't but he did. He made demands for her to change and become more of the woman he married years ago. He felt she spent too much time cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their 8 and 10 year old. What was she thinking? He never helped with any household chore and expected her undivided attention, i.e. sex, whenever it suited him. Now he lives with a woman 12 years younger and he still complains about his life with a woman he never bother to marry. Go figure.
I'm witnessing another divorce on the horizon for yet another family member. As he describes the circumstances, they feel all to similar. She ignores his needs, is a lousy mother and very self-centered. We think she may be having an affair, but he doesn't want to know. Sound familiar? I see a trend. He's been miserable for years, but he sticks around for the sake of the children. Once again, the family unit must be valued over individual needs. Well, I have something to say about that.
When I was 11, my father began staying out later and later. He was in real estate at the time and he used that as an excuse. One day he stayed out until the next morning. I watched my mother cry and then cry again when he announced he wanted a divorce. He said he had been unhappy for years and was seeing another woman. He eventually left and started a new family with this woman. I was hurt but survived. But it came full circle when my father's wife took a trip out west just with the kids. She hooked up with an old male friend and came back to a man she decided to divorce. She explained that she was unhappy because he was financially unstable and was going to marry this new guy.
The point of these examples is that someone that's unhappy in a relationship should make a decision. Maybe the problems began slowly and then built up over time. But you should be aware of the signs and decide when enough is enough. How long do you stay with someone for the sake of the children? In every case I just described, the children turned out just fine. It was the parents that ended up screwed up because they stayed together too long. My advice is to follow your heart and head. If things are bad and it's obvious that neither of your will change, then get out of the poor relationship. Life is too short to remain with a significant other that you no longer love or want to be with. Divorce is not a failure but could actually be a new beginning. The children will be better off without the stress or strife of bickering or abusive parents. Do what's best for yourself and then get on with your life. I'll be willing to bet that there is someone out there that can make you happy.
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