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It is not uncommon for parents to put into their parenting plan that each parent has the right to have the children with him/her whenever the other parent is unable to. This is often referred to as the right of first refusal on parenting time.
A parenting agreement might say that if either parent requires a babysitter or daycare for longer than a few hours during that parent's parenting time, the other parent will be given the first opportunity to provide the care, rather than an outsider or other family member.
When the parents have a reasonably good relationship, this kind of arrangement can work very well. The children get the benefit of maximum time with each parent and begin to feel like they have two homes, not just one home and another place they visit from time to time.
An excellent example of this is if two divorced parents happen to have opposing work schedules. Instead of placing the child(ren) in daycare, the other parent can take over.
When the parents' relationship is marked by conflict and anger, though, the right of first refusal on parenting time can lead to more hostilities, especially when it's invoked for situations like an occasional night out, business trip, or vacation. It can lead to intrusive questions about where the other parent is going, who s/he will be with, and what s/he will be doing. This kind of questioning is damaging to the children and benefits no one.
Further problems come up if either parent remarries. The law is unclear in these cases whether the right of first refusal gets triggered when the parent is gone but the step-parent is available.
This happened in a recent Colorado case. The parents in the case had a right of first refusal agreement in their parenting plan. Not wanting the children's bond with their step-family to be disrupted while he was deployed to Iraq, Dad requested that the original parenting plan be modified to allow the children to stay with his wife, their step-mother, during his regularly scheduled parenting time. The court agreed and disregarded the right of first refusal in the original parenting plan. The case is still in the appeal process so the issue is not completely settled.
If you're thinking about including a right of first refusal on parenting time, make sure it is really in the children's best interests and won't cause more problems than it is solving.
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